omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg!!!!!!!!!!!

So work approved my days-off request but GET THIS! Apparently I have vacation time coming to me so 4 out of the 5 days I’m taking off are PAID! That’s so HUGE! I was getting worried about the money thing because even though Susan makes way more than me we still use my paychecks for convenience items and our weekly ritual of dinner and a movie. Minus a week’s pay we wouldn’t be able to do that this month and with all the stuff that’s been going on I know we need the R&R.

That kinda leads me to something I’ve been hiding from you guys. I’m a wanted blob. No kidding.

I was watching TV the other day and they’re doing some general interest story about an adoption agency for dogs or something so I started to kinda drift off. I was just about to fall asleep when suddenly I see this artists’ rendition of me up on the screen - only FAT. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve slacked off in my workouts and I’ve probably been eating more junk food than usual but still, I’m not THAT bad. I’m a gelatinous monster from the murky depths of outer space, not Kirstie Alley!

So I get past the fat thing for a second and watch this “report” about how supposedly some gigantic radioactive creature has been terrorizing citizens around the city. Now I’m not one for fancy words, I’m just a simple blob from a simple family but unless your definition of terror is stalking around the city carving a swath of fire and desolation with my millions of kelvin degree heat rays and occasionally toppling a building with my energy breath then I have no idea what they’re seeing, I’m just doing what I gotta do to survive.

The streets are tough, yo. Monster out.

This whole blog is really coming along, I’m happy Susan convinced me to start it. I think it helps me vent where before I would just wander outside and set some cars on fire or irradiate a lake. If you guys need a blog, check out ANHosting.com, they’ve taken good care of me.

So I gotta admit, it feels good to get some time off. I was at work last Thursday talking to Jesse about how long it’s been since I’ve taken a real vacation. Like airplane, hotel, attractions - the whole nine yards, So he tells me about his aunt who’s this travel agent downtown and how she can get me some pretty good deals on packages. I talk to Susan on my lunch break, we both do the math and as long as it wasn’t too expensive it should be workable, heaven knows we could use the time away together and away from all the stress.

Jesse was right about his aunt. We got a Disneyworld vacation package for wayyyy less than full price. With the money we saved I’m planning a nice romantic dinner for us one of the nights there. I may even have a surprise or two lined up! So that’s booked and we leave in a couple weeks. I put in for my time off yesterday and I can’t imagine it won’t be approved. Susan did the same but she has an small office gig so she got clearance right away from her boss. Must be nice being able to talk to your boss at any time about whatever’s bothering you. If I had a problem at work I’d have to talk to my supervisor who in turn would talk to his supervisor who would submit my complaint to corporate and I might hear back from someone by the time the sun cooled.

Not that I won’t have already wrecked complete havoc on this planet and vanquished mankind long before then.

So we’ll see how this goes. Worst case scenario is they don’t approve all my days and we have to do some creative calling from the hotel. Cough cough, gelatinous monster flu anyone?

So apparently I was namedropped at a recent event by the guys who host JohnnyTellsIt.com. Johnny’s some snot-nosed punk who ratted on my appearance a few weeks back over by Chicago. He goes and blogs about me landing and before I know it I’m surrounded by tanks and shouting army men. I mean seriously, all I wanted was some Jamba Juice and now I’m being assaulted like some prison yard bitch!

Life is a constant challenge when you’re a polymorphic monster from outer space.

So the guys who host this dickweed’s blog are at this event telling the tale of this “brave” individual who got my ass kicked and I find out later that someone got them on video bragging about it. So I’m naturally curious about what they said and head over to some website where the video’s hosted but lo and behold - nothing from these midPhase clowns! It’s a cover up of monumental proportions, obviously the government doesn’t want the public to know that I exist and that I’m online.

Makes me wonder what else was said about me at the party. *grumble*

So dinner is a done deal, Susan’s parents have gone home and things are… weird. I dunno, it’s not neccessarily a bad thing but there’s this space between us that I can’t quite explain.

Dinner itself was nice, her parents were early, of course, so they sat around the kitchen watching me finish off the last of the side dishes. I overheard her mom a few times critiquing how I shouldn’t use olive oil to sauté the zucchini because of its low smoke point and how salting the water before blanching the asparagus was the wrong thing to do. I’m like listen lady, I didn’t go to three years of intergalactic culinary school to get my technique pooped on by some puny human. I’m better than that.

Conversation at the table was, predictably, awkward. No, we aren’t getting married anytime soon. Yes I’m still planning on destroying all of humanity and reveling in the cries of the world as I cry havoc and demolish anything and everything in the path of chaos I sow. No, the potatoes aren’t powdered.

The meal seemed to last forever with her parents giving her that uncomfortable glance and Susan deflecting it and bringing up some innocuous subject like her mother’s new philanthropic escapade undoubtedly involving some foreign country and a cause no one cares about. I thought I was going to escape the night unscathed but then Sus’ dad, a retired army colonel asked the $10,000 question: “so what are you going to do when the military finally gets serious about hunting you down?”

What indeed.

Anyhoo, I had to call tech support last night when I couldn’t update my blog. The dudes over at ANHosting were very helpful pointing out that I had destroyed the power substation fighting Megagarthalon last night and that no one had electrical service as a result. My cell phone worked because it was all charged. I felt kinda stupid but at least we figured it out.

So Susan’s parents are coming over in a few. Had a really productive day, all things considered. Some kids tracked me from the molten pit of energy where I recharge back here to the apartment. I wake up last night at like 3am and there’s an Apache helicopter and some tanks hovering outside in the parking lot. F’n kids, man!

I crawl down the bathtub drain into the sewers and make my way about a block down and then emerge behind them, roaring and acting all drama queeny. I swear, i should be an actor! Never should’ve given that dream up. Anyhoo, we’re all fightiing and I’m letting them think it’s close but I’m just tired cause I was up late watching this show about making cash refurbishing houses. Looked kinda promising. They kept talking about how you can do it with zero money down but I’m skeptical, to be honest. If my 3 weeks on this planet have taught me anything it’s nobody gets nothing for nothing, Ya know?

Anyway the bullets are flying, I’m roaring and firing death rays from my eyes and then Susan comes out of the apartment all blurry eyed in her pajamas wondering what the hell is going on. I swear to gelatinous god I stopped right there in my tracks and started laughing. Those army guys must’ve thought I was messhugana but I didn’t care, the sight of Susan in her flannel PJs amongst all that debris and mayhem was too cute for words. It took a lot of effort but I refocused and finished off the remaining troops and went back inside where Susan was already asleep again, like nothing had happened. I was expecting an awkward morning but I guess luck was on my side cause her only comment about last night was asking whether that really bad thunderstorm kept me up too.

Yeah, I had to chuckle at that one.

*sigh*

things are not going well between susan and me

we got into this -stupid- fight about what kind of sauce to use for the chicken we’re making when her parents come over on sunday. i was thinking something hearty like a tomato vodka but then she tells me her dad hates Italian food so she was just going to pick up some bottled barbecue sauce and serve it on the side. i’m like wtf!

her parents have never liked me. ever since i landed it’s been one critique after another from those two. if its not my choice in career it’s what i do on the weekends, if it’s not my plans for world domination it’s my choice to grow a beard without a mustache. i’m trying my best, ya know? and cooking on sunday was going to be my way of showing them that i -do- have a purpose aside from the wanton destruction and total domination of mankind. it’s like hellooooo, your daughter and i are in love! i’m a polymorphic gelatinous monster, i’m here, get used to it!

so now susan is upset because her parents are going to hate dinner and she’s over at her friend karen’s for the night. half of me is of the mind to carve a path of mayhem over there and get her to come back home. who knows, maybe hold a boombox over my head like that one dude from that movie. what’s his name, it’s not eric roberts, it’s the other guy whose sister has horse teeth.

ah who cares, i’m sure this will work itself out. switched webhosts over the weekend over to ANHosting.com. figured I’d give them a shoutout cause they make a monster feel good. I hope things go better at this one than my last one. they made me so angry I destroyed their call center and the surrounding ten blocks.

oh well, gonna go play xbox. later!